Malise, the Witch of Clatteringshaws lives in a disused Ladies Convenience at the end of a coach park in Caledonia overlooking Loch Grieve (inhabited by Hobyahs and a monster). Down in London Simon Battersea has inherited the throne of England and although accompanied by his friend Dido he is not happy with his lot. There are other possible claimants to the throne and Dido departs to Scotland to find get help from the Witch of Clatteringshaws. Meanwhile England is invaded by the Saxon Wends and Simon also goes northwards with his army. Can Simon defend his realm successfully and will Dido find a legitimate heir to the throne so that she and Simon can live in peace?
